Soap Box #2

The previous post has me fired up, so let me post one more for tonight. 

Don't ever ever ever ask someone when they'll have a baby or another baby for that matter. 

I've been on both sides now. It hurts. I'll be the first to admit it. 

I have been the person I mentioned earlier. I would ask all the newlyweds when they'd have a baby when I saw them at WalMart or the new parents when they would have another. 

Then I was on the other side of the fence and it all changed. When you ask those questions they're not meant in malice. Simply hopeful of bringing more joy into life. Well those questions don't always end with joyful answers. 

What about the couples who have tried for months or years or even exhausted all efforts of becoming pregnant on their own? 

What about those who just experienced losing a baby?

What about those who can't have children?  

What about those like myself who aren't allowed or those who aren't capable of  becoming pregnant again?

How do you politely answer that question without making the questioner feel like a horrible person? 

There's no easy or simple way or textbook answer. 

Am I or other parents who have one precious baby unsatisfied with our little miracles we were allowed to have? No. Not at all. 

Do we wish at times we could have more and experience the joy of bringing home baby and giving our first a sibling? Absolutely. 

Do our hearts sink and tears well up in our throats sometimes when asked about having a child or more children or at the mere thought of even remotely longing for a baby? 

Yes. 

Then you remember your little ray of miraculous sunshine God gave you sleeping on your chest popping her pacifier in and out of her mouth as she snores, and you're more than grateful and overjoyed by what you have. 

My cup runeth over. 

But I'll say it. I'm 22 years old and will not be able to become pregnant again. It's not safe.  

Due to the nature of Piper's arrival, it would not be safe for me to carry another child. The same is most likely to happen again, but I might not be so lucky as to actually be in the doctor's office when and if it did.

So when you ask those questions and you're cut off by a short "no," do not take offense but simply think there may be more to it. 

Do not say "Oh you'll forget the pain and how it happened will want to do it all again."

No. I and others like me will not. You don't forget the pain or the day your child almost died.

Did I practically forget almost all of December due to my anesthesia and pain medications? Yes. 

But I won't ever forget that.